This motivation post should have went out on Monday, but it’s Tuesday and y’all will deal. Plus, y’all love me right? Right! I just wanted to tell you, “Thank You”, for being patient with me while I took a blogging break. Now on to today’s MOTIVATION.

Y’all, I took a break because my life totally changed in less than 48hrs! My new normal is waking up at 4:45am every weekday, turning in reports without error, and being a shining example of adulthood to a teenager. For an ultra chill person like myself, I don’t do well with rigidity. Let me tell you how I’ve spent so many years praying for God to magically fix the weak parts of my life, not knowing THIS situation is what he’d use to do it. Don’t ask for what you aren’t willing to work for. This is what I’m learning.

Due to health issues, I had to go back to work. The job I chose is totally out of my professional scope. I’ve always worked in Non-Profit Youth Development. I took a job in Social Media Strategy. I wanted to do something different, I wanted to use my blogging experience in a corporate setting. I’d done Non-Profit work since I was 16 years old. If you’ve ever worked in the non-profit world, you know it’s one of the more laid back industries. Also, I worked with kids, so it’s a lot of fun.

My new job is very corporate, very detail oriented, and very professional. The deadlines are tight and the work has to be 100% correct almost EVERY TIME. Whew, LAWD! It’s a lot. At my old job, I was the smartest, the fastest, and in charge of a whole staff. Now, I’m entry level and struggling.

Then, on the second day of my new job, I was asked to take temporary custody of my 16 year old godson. LISTEN! I went from being a single woman (free to do whatever) to a single PARENT (on a tight schedule and an even tighter budget). It is a MIND BLOWING experience. I was in the delivery room when my godson was born. I’ve often let him come over and have ‘auntie time’ for weekends and sometimes we’d hang out a couple days of his school breaks. But, to be responsible for his well-being 24hrs a day, seven days a week? It is ALOT.

Your girl was stressed. Posting about pretty clothes and cute events was the last thing on my list. I was struggling to retain new and unusual information at my job, while juggling the emotions and schedule of a busy teen. A part of me knew I could handle this situation, but the lack of finances, inability to balance my time, and feelings of defeat started to take me down. I needed to be present, but I wanted to retreat.

Depression started to creep in.

For an optimistic person like myself, it was hard for me to handle feeling unfit, unhappy, and out of place on daily basis. I needed to pray but didn’t want to do that. I was mad at God. I needed extreme spiritual guidance to get me through this tough time. So I prayed like this: “God, why would you do me like this? I wanted a new fancy job! Not this difficult work experience. I always wanted a son. But not a 16 year old, with attitudes and a difficult home life. I thought you loved me. But you gave me this struggle.” I cried.

God answered with the statement above, “You prayed for rain, but I’m giving you umbrella-making instructions.” What?

Often times we asked God for tangible things according to what our human senses can understand. About 98% of the time, he never works that way. As a christian, we are sometimes taught to not question God. But my mom told me, “You can always question God, but you might not get the response you were looking for.” Well, isn’t that the truth!

I sat back and thought about what I’d asked God for in the past, what I was dealing with in the present, and how it would effect me in the future. I haven’t had many TOUGH experiences in my life, but the ones I’ve gone through have made me who I am. This new chapter is preparing me for a major upgrade.

In the spring, when I quit my job, I went in with a lot of excitement and a very loose misguided plan.  I wrote about that HERE. I often said I wanted a kid. But actually raising a kid is clearly a different experience. My new job, while not my favorite cup of tea, is teaching me TIME MANAGEMENT and how to deliver EXCELLENCE on the first try. Having an impressionable teen in my home is teaching me to be accountable for my actions, go to bed on time, effective communication, and to eat healthy. These are all things that were weaknesses in my life, and God is giving me guidance.

I’m excited to see how this experience will shape me for the future. It’s definitely an experience I’d NEVER chose for myself. But, I can tell I’m improving and becoming a better person day by day. It ain’t EASY! At least three times a week I want to hide under my bed and never come out. However, I know God has loaded me with instructions to handle any task that comes my way, even the extremely difficult, heart wrenching, “it ain’t fair!”, tear bringing, multiple conversation having, bank account emptying, teenager with angst filled tasks that I’d never thought I’d have to handle.

We got this!