MOTIVATION: If it shoulda’ been you, it woulda’ been you!

If you follow me on Instagram, @fabglance, you have been hearing me talk about how I’m overcoming the FEAR OF MISSING OUT – #FOMO. Listen, at one time your girl was ALWAYS on the scene. Always. If something was happening, I was there. But after quitting my job last year, trying to find myself, having a bunch of fails, and eventually finding my way back to balancing working and blogging, I had a fear that people wouldn’t care about the FABGLANCE lifestyle anymore. I found myself looking at other people’s instagram posts saying, “It should have been me!”

Then Jesus came for my neck and was like “GIRL, get your mind right! If it should have been you, it would have been you! Period.

Fear of missing out or FoMO is “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. This social anxiety is characterized by “a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing”. (source)

I know I’m not the only person who has uttered the words, “It should have been me.” Once you set yourself on that road, you start comparing your gifts and abilities to someone else. And, girl, you about to head down a slippery slope. You about to head into the world of jealousy, anxiety, depression, and anger. In this world of social media and blogging (and just living life), it’s so hard to NOT compare and get mad about not being the first to know and the first on the scene.

Through meditation and prayer, I was able to figure out five reasons why you don’t need to have FOMO and it probably shouldn’t have been you in the first place. Let’s get it:

  1. You weren’t qualified – Oh, this is a hard one to swallow. But the reality is, if it was you, you would have been prepared. You may not be qualified to be in the position you seek. Not saying that you can’t get there tomorrow, next month, or next year, but TODAY, you don’t have the credentials. Get to work and see your name on the list.
  2. You were over-qualified – On the opposite, you are TOO qualified to be in the place you think you should be. Girl, you got TOO MUCH SAUCE! Being over-qualified can be a lonely road but you are on the right track to be bigger and better than you’ve ever imagined.
  3. That’s not your track – Oh, you wanna be OVER THERE, doing THAT? Hey, that’s not your path. That’s not your lane. That’s not where you are supposed to be. When you realize this, it’s time to reevaluate your plan and seek what truly matters. Sometimes when you THINK you are supposed to be in a spot, it’s really not for you. Yeah it looks fun, but it not for you.
  4. That’s not your tribe – Yeah, not to get all mystical magical, but those people you might be idolizing or you feel like they are the cool clique, that ain’t your tribe baby! I know. They are sparkly, they are fun, they look like they are supporting each other, but girl, it ain’t your tribe. Your tribe will come. It will. Also, you may grow outnof your tribe. Life is always moving and we must move with it, even if it means leaving your faves behind.
  5. God has a different plan – And this is the real deal. As a believer, I’m influenced by the bible and what it says for my life. Often, God has a totally different plan for you time and your talent! Let him guide your hustle. I swear you’ll find yourself in rooms that you only dreamed you’d be in.

Being the best is often a lonely road. You have to practice, research, and produce in spaces where you are alone. No one wants to watch you read 45 articles about “The hottest trends for Spring.” But when you get the call to be on that show where they need an expert, guess who’s ready! YOU! If you are in a lonely season and you feel like no one is calling your name, don’t fret. You aren’t missing out. You are being set up to be set apart.

Let me know, in the comments, if you’ve experienced a season like this? Let’s support each other!

Hello February: Black History, Black Panther, and Black Love

Hello Fab Fam!

I wanted to type something deep and inspirational but all I’m thinking about Is the premiere of the Black Panther movie, Valentine’s Day, and my upcoming book signing! It’s gonna be an amazing February!

Shot by Patrick Webster Photography

Ok, so Black Panther is coming out on the week of Valentine’s Day and during Black History Month! Like, how BLACK is that? Don’t know what are you wearing to the Black Panther preview? You know I GOT YOU! Next week I’ll post my Black Panther outfit inspirations – so make sure you’re following me on Instagram for exclusive looks. What are you doing for the Black Panther premier?

Ok, y’all know that Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite fake holidays. Even though I don’t have a Valentine this year, I got a crush, y’all know I’m gonna give y’all my Jodeci Appreciation posts. Oh, you’re new here?! Girl, every year we celebrate the best black bad-boy band of the 90’s – Jodeci. I’ve been campaigning for them to get a national holiday for years. Why not Valentines Day?

Then, when February is just ending, I’m hosting my very first BOOK SIGNING for my new book, Jack and Ahlia! On March 3rd, I’m hosting Books & Bites at White Bison Coffee Shop! Y’all, I’m so excited. I’ll sign copies of my book, read a couple chapters, and answer all your questions about this intriguing couple. Tickets on sale soon. You know I’ll let you know.

So, what’s your plans for February? Are you celebrating Black History, Black Entertainment, Black love, or all of the above? Let me know in the comments!

MOTIVATION: When you pray for rain . . .

This motivation post should have went out on Monday, but it’s Tuesday and y’all will deal. Plus, y’all love me right? Right! I just wanted to tell you, “Thank You”, for being patient with me while I took a blogging break. Now on to today’s MOTIVATION.

Y’all, I took a break because my life totally changed in less than 48hrs! My new normal is waking up at 4:45am every weekday, turning in reports without error, and being a shining example of adulthood to a teenager. For an ultra chill person like myself, I don’t do well with rigidity. Let me tell you how I’ve spent so many years praying for God to magically fix the weak parts of my life, not knowing THIS situation is what he’d use to do it. Don’t ask for what you aren’t willing to work for. This is what I’m learning.

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What to do, when you’ve bitten more than you can chew?

Continue reading “MOTIVATION: When you pray for rain . . .”

MOTIVATION: How I failed at quitting

If you haven’t guessed by my lack of social media presence, return to regular posting schedule (Mon, Wed, Fri, & sometimes the weekend), and nonexistent Youtube updates, I’ve returned to the corporate world. Yes, girl! I took a new job in October (more on that next week). However, back in March, I quit my ‘good government’ job after 10 years. I then took the summer off to create, explore, and build the world of FabGlance. It was mostly fun to be a professional blogger. I kept up the facade that things were POPPIN’ over here. But, I quickly, realized, “Whoa, this is harder than I thought.” and I had to go back to work.

I went back to the 9-to-5 grind, realizing that I had FAILED at quitting. Basically, I was the goal that others strive for: Quit your corporate job and work for yourself. I knew it would be hard to quit my job and go off on my own (No Al B. Sure), but it was much harder than I ever expected. Yeah, I accomplished some of the goals that were sitting on the back-burner for YEARS. However, I was not as EXCEPTIONAL as I SHOULD have been.

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Hello November – FIVE ways to deal with change!

When I took the photo above, I had no idea how quickly my life would change. In one month, I started working again, had to help a family member, and took a drastic hit to my bank account. Granted, I knew I’d be taking a new job, but I thought taking on said job would allow me to have a better financial cushion. November came through and said, ‘Naw Girl’. So, with that, I had to deal with abrupt CHANGE!

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MOTIVATION: Not for Free!

As a creative freelancer, the talk of money is very sensitive. Creative folks are always discussing our need for money, but very few work toward establishing a set scale that will keep the bills paid. Consider your favorite creative person, and please understand, we don’t do this for free! From filmmakers, to writers & bloggers, to style gurus, creative freelancers, like myself, are the MOST underpaid employees in the workforce. (source). Guys, we need to ask for what we are worth and don’t be afraid to stand our ground.

I’ll be the first to say that I don’t ask for what I’m worth. That’s a BIG problem for me. You can reflect on last week’s MOTIVATION post – not asking for enough money is ANOTHER reason why I’m not as successful. Our society makes it difficult to ask for what your worth because we are so used to getting paid less. Even when I had my corporate job, I was always afraid to ask for a raise, when I KNEW I deserved it. However, if I don’t think I’m worth it, how can I make YOU a believer. Stop letting people book two-hour ‘pick my brain’ sessions for the price of a $5 coffee! You are worth more!

As a blogger and personal stylist, the info I provide isn’t necessary for daily living. You can go about your life NOT knowing the name of Beyonce’s latest bag of choice (It’s a custom Louis Vuitton), what to wear for your 20th Class Reunion (click here) or understand why using proper lighting for your selfies is a big deal. But when you do need that info, from a trusted source, you come to me or one of my stylish peers. You expect that I’ll know exactly what to say. I’m your Google. You need the 10 YEARS of info stored in my brain in order to guide you on your stylish way.

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Dress – ASOS, Boots – Torrid, and Bag – Jessica Simpson

Please, stop thinking a creative’s job is easy or we do this JUST because it’s a hobby. Those who are transitioning from hobby to lifestyle need MONEY to do so. Your stylist friend who helps you dress your family for your Christmas photoshoot deserves to be paid. The photographer that has to carry his gear around town in order to get the best photo deserves to be paid. The friend who is ‘helping’ you plan your wedding, deserves to be paid. The intern who is teaching how to use ‘the Instagram’ deserves to be paid. Even your homegirl, who does hair out of her kitchen, but can slang an amazing weave, deserves to be paid. And, if you don’t feel like that individual deserves to be paid, then you don’t deserve the luxury of their skills.

Since I’m about solutions, and you are about to be a better person, I’ll give you FOUR ways to compensate your favorite creative – in addition to giving them money.

  • Don’t Ask for the HOOK-UP! – Ask them their established rate before booking. Stop looking for a hook-up all the time. If the person chooses to give you the hook-up, that’s their choice. And even then, give them a tip (15%-20%).
  • FOLLOW them on Social Media – Most creatives don’t have big budgets for marketing campaigns. Most of the time, we use social media to share our work, new ideas, and sales. We need your follows, likes, and shares! It take 2.7 seconds to click that share/like button and you’ve done a lot more for people you don’t even know.
  • Spread the Word – Now that you’ve worked with your favorite creative, read her blog & it inspired you, or received the amazing photos from your shoot, it’s time to spread the word. Word of Mouth is the BEST way to support your creative friends. Don’t let those photos in your phone go to waste – show your co-workers & church members. Be the PR that we can’t yet afford.
  • Donate to the Cause – Feel weary about giving someone cash? Then ask your independent freelance friend what they need to move their business forward. Ask them if they need a finance session with an accountant. Could she need a new lens for her camera? Or something simple, like ink and paper for her printer. Oh, think outside the box . . . FREE babysitting so she can finish that song or edit that video. Think about it.

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For my fellow creative freelancers – let’s start knowing our worth and charging extra. For the supporters – thanks in advance for adjusting to our new rates. In the end, we just want to share our passions with you and give you amazing services, from a creative standpoint. Support us and your local creative community!

Thanks for reading!

MOTIVATION: I know why I’m NOT successful

I’m not successful and I know why! And you’re not successful either, so let’s talk about it. I’ve been a blogger for NINE years, NINE! You’d think, within two years, I should be riding high on that sweet delicious blog money! I should have all the high-dollar collabs, photos popping, getting sent out to amazing destinations, and not giving the sad face to my skeptical bank account. But, in my new quest to get ONE MILLION FOLLOWERS I realized my behaviors have definitely stopped me from being farther in the game than I should be. And, because I want to help you do better in your endeavors, I thought I’d bring you along for the ride. Here’s the FIVE reasons why I’m not successful:

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MOTIVATION: Don’t be afraid to be famous!

I tried to play it off, but y’all I currently have a tweet that is going viral and I AM HYPE! Yes, the tweet below, about Issa Rae‘s hit show, Insecure, is currently at 11K retweets and likes! 

UPDATE: My tweet has been featured on USA TODAY! Y’all!!!! Click Here to read the article. 

I’ve followed Issa Rae since her humble beginnings on YouTube. Now she’s one of the most sought after writers in Hollywood. The fact that she may have chuckled at my tweet, makes me think of how one small thing can change your whole path. Like, some of my favorite social media influencers and Hollywood celebs have re-tweeted my lil ol tweet. I’m low-key excited. Why?

Continue reading “MOTIVATION: Don’t be afraid to be famous!”

#15MinsofFAB: Staying in your lane! 

This week on the #15MinutesofFab Facebook Livestream I’ll be discussing: fashion, blogging, and staying in your lane. I’ve had so many people asking me, “How do you like blogging full-time? How have you found your niche?” 

Have you asked yourself these questions? Are you trying to start a style blog? Let’s talk about it! Leave your comments below and join me live on Facebook and Instagram. 

#15minutesofFAB – Staying in your lane

Every Monday, 6p CST, I jump on Facebook Live (then on Instagram) to discuss life, style, & blogging with my Fab Family! Tune in every week for a little slice of my life and some advice from an old lady in the game. Lol! I’ll answer your questions every week in a friendly chat. Let’s have fun! 

MOTIVATION: Where to start?

When you don’t know where to start, just go to a place you miss so much.” – Unknown

It might sound crazy to start a ‘Motivation’ piece with the topic of confusion, but some of my best motivating moments were born when I was most confused. After quitting my job, this summer has been all about confusion. When I thought I was on the right path, the universe sent me several curveballs. Basically, it ain’t that easy. 

It felt like I almost needed to start again. Then, I was blessed with this new website design, and my passion for blogging and telling my story was reignited. As the quote above suggests, I needed to go to the place I missed so much. For me, it was the blog. Just telling my story and using my words. 

When I started blogging, you didn’t have to have professional photos, know the latest in technology, or fight the machine that is instagram. Interest was organic and people were drawn to the simple story of your life. Whether you told that story through cooking, fashion, making music, or even bird whatching, there was an audience for you. Everyone had a lane.


Often, when I’m asked about starting a blog,  people point out the superficial: the free stuff, the photos, and the attention. Listen, it comes. But don’t let the pursuit of those things distract you from telling your story. There has to be a reason that you want to share your life with the world … and it need to be more than a free ticket to Disney Land. Find your lane, help your tribe. 

So that’s my suggestions for this week. Think about the place you miss so much (literally or figuratively). Why do you miss it? Why did you leave? How can you center yourself enough to share your story and help others? The motivation you need is found in clearing your path! 

Have a FAB week!